yes. as promised, i'm back for more. hmm, let's see.

the job i secured was from tht law firm back thn i went for an interview? anione rembered tht post? yupz. and nw tht tey haf an opening for admin asst, tey ringed mi as promised. so, i went ahead. seriously, i didn't pause a moment to tink abt wht was the DIFFERENCE in the AMT of MONEY tht i cld actually make by chionging bqt wif my frens and ovr thr at tht pt of time. i guess, the avaibality to be able to wrk in high rised beautiful office towers ovrcame my greed (rathr need as i'm nvr greedy for) money thn.

and since, it wasn't an interview at all, and tht evryting went well, i dunno y, mayb (foolishly) agreed to start wrk on monday wif a meagre pay. i thn thot, it might be juz the exp i wna to gain, or the need of security for a fixed monthly income. u noe, bqt-ing don't promise u fixed income at all. and at the rate tht we're goin', supper + cab fares evrynite afta wrk, at the end of a 5hr wrk dae, we oni haf near 2/3 of wht we earned left. althou' on the contrary, u can earn up to thousands a mth if u are able to wrk "SMART" thr larhs. the good and bad abt bqt-ing. -.-"'!

so i was elated at first to haf been offered a job. but thn, i dunno wht came upon mi, and i started contradicting myself. seriously, i noe wht's the so called right path to take - the law firm's job. but deep dwn in mi still, okie. blame mi for my poor results or whtevr. but, whtevr the case, i shld still be studyin' at my age i suppose, juz like my "ex-clsmates" are doin' still. but due to some fcuked up stuffs which i'll really flare if i go into details, i haf to earn n support myself?! so, can i claim tht life isn't really fair? whtevr.

knowing tht i still wna haf fun, and am BLOODY keen still on takin' up a priv. mass comm diploma, tht "notti or rebelious" mi started thots on,

i shld haf juz declined the offer and go on "yaya papaya-ing" wif my bunch of frens and wrk in the bqt line and CHIONG! thou' taxin', the fun we haf pays off. even if i earned and spent whtevr i earn. it'd beat placing myself in a totally unfamiliar environment wif lotsa "old" yet new faces i hafta be humble towards. and start the office politics stuff.

if oni i cld haf both sides of mi activating at the same time. and i swear, if my wrkin' hr ends at 5pm, i'd still chiong 1 more mth of 6pm regardless of wht dae wif my frens, and mark a beautiful "end" towards my bqt-ing life if tis current job offer is "tailormade for mi". whrby nw, i can oni wrk on sats. but i'll def wrk on sats. i need CASH. the keywrd, CASH. arhh.

and seriously, i'll miss tht cranky grp of frens whom we crapped so much abt afta wrk each time. i'll miss thse daes of.. "wah lau! i see tht guy buey song lor. he v.lau lan....." and mani more complaints. am i makin' a right choice?

stumbled on somewhr tht looks like a turnin' pt of life, i picked up the phone, and rang my dearest pal of cuz. ms goh.

upon hearin' whtevr i haf for her, and also lettin' her noe abt the "offers" liankang actually told us abt, she said, since i oreadi promised to wrk at the law firm, go on. try it out for a mth or so. if it's gd, carry on. if i don't like it, get back to bqt. but she also said wht if tey (u guys noe who u are) decided to nort wrk in bqt, and get to some othr jobs? and tht i quit at the same time juz to get back to bqt-ing MONEY + FUN, wldn't i be askin' for "trouble" myself?

so guys, are u all gna be stuck in bqt-ing? it really affects my decision. because i'm lookin' at MONEY FACTOR rite nw, as i suppose many oreadi noe the reason why. and bqt-ing can seriously gimme wht i want duhz. also, i can assure evryone tht i wlnd't stop at tis job and nort furthering my studies. i FCUKIN' wan a mass comm dip. fine?!

it's somehw tough larh. being independent in bqt, will kill u. but whn too many peeps are involved, too many decisions to make. so wht will it be? i felt all of a sudden, 2 stones come stumbling dwn on my shoulders. wif a job, comes greater responsibilities. i don't wna disappoint carol (my manager to be, and also the one who believed i cld perform) but i too dunwna feel sry for myself.

if oni i'm born to nort be such a contradict! screw my arse. can i haf some "advice" or "answers" ? i'm reli nort the material cut out for decision makin'. bahhh.


______________________________________contradicted yet agn at 2:33 am ;