it's time i did a reflection on my past 19yrs. perhaps.

as i read my prev. post frm july 9th 2004, which was more thn a yr back, i felt i became a more "mature blogger". which defines frm blogging language, topics commented on, and stuffs like tht.

plus, my sarcastically known "primary 1 standard compo" is my greatest glory ever. wht i felt most satisfied wif myself is/was/and perhaps am, my languages. i haf nvr put hardwrk into studyin' both eng or chi. and also, i am able to speak hokkien and canto because my family speaks hokkien, and i'm into hk movies. it's a great gift frm god. thanks.

and i realised tht, whnevr my posts were on frenship, i whine alot back thn. but nw, i seemed to haf understood "somethings u know, i know. it needn't be mentioned." tht's the kinda frens i've been blessed wif. i promise myself nvr to whine abt frens spending less or nort enuff time wif mi. because, we've all grown up, and more responsibilities to bear. it isn't abt you yourself animore.

posts on sports or political events seriously perked mi up millions. i wish i cld be a writer. (to be somewht arrogant,) i tink tht i haf wht it takes to be a writer. gif mi a topic. i cld come up wif something "decent" within minutes. and it wldn't take v.long for mi to produce smth i find "good". the flow in the language is thr.

(refer to this -->) http://www.enigmaticc.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_enigmaticc_archive.html
it's at the bottom of the page. scroll dwn. and if i cld be a columnist reporting on olympics happenings. and i even thot of "olympic fever strikes" as a NICE and CAPTIVATING headline. but well, for mi to post em in blogs, tell mi, which of u actually read tht entry? haas.

at times, i dread myself for being lazy.

in such a country, whr "paper" weighs tonnes, we seriously can't afford to slack and let ourselves dwn. especially whn i was all along an A's student. lols.

but being somehw aggressive, and believing i haf wht it takes, i neglected the importance of a piece of "paper" tht wld determine my future, - bright or dim.

not opened to this wide market back thn, i thot nort many were capable of wht i'm capable of. but nw tht i noe, thse whom we noe are less capable thn us spells peanuts. because we are only aware of wht is goin' on ard us. my flair in writing and whtevr, is nth compared to thse who too can do so, and has tht almighty "paper" in their hands. tht, which tey prolly sacrificed some fun in exchange for.

i have the least idea of wht i wna to be in future. because i know time is running out for me. i'm no longer young (in the eyes of law) animore. dad showed mi the reimbursement "passes" for he himself, mum, and sis(13) by his company earlier on. i asked him, whr's mine? he said, u're above 18 oreadi. nort considered as my dependent, so, tey removed you frm the list. i was..

seriously, tell mi. if 18 meant independence, why do tey still need witnesses whn a couple wif eithr of which is 18 to register their marriage? if 18 meant you're capable to wrk and support ya family, y are thr still soo mani students studyin, evn at the age of 30? it wld at least be more fair, to name thse above 21 as independent.

u'll hafta go to jail for ani criminal offences at 18. but y can't u decide on ya own future and marry some guy without havin' to gain parental consent? craps.

perhaps, nth much wld come out frm tis reflection. i'm juz debating myself, and contradicting myself furthr.

mayb god dotes on mi, and wld juz grant mi a capable, rich, powerful husband in a few daes, wks, mths, yrs time. who noes if we'll die tml.?

it's gettin' way off.


______________________________________contradicted yet agn at 4:53 am ;