`- argh - perfect!

before i mention aniting, tell ya smth. it's lotti's b'dae! happi b'dae mian bao! hahas. =D

now, i'm nort speaking sense. wen i mean perfect, it actually ain't perfect. tese daes, i haf seen e mani flaws or rather loopholes or rather 'hypocritical' side of peeps ard mi. nort leavin those i haven't seen in a whole long time.

tings simply kept rushing to mi. my juice ain't enough to take it i suppose. my brain is just soo small, and my world is still considered 'narrow'. how am i suppose to take soo mani tings to my stride? i can't. i feel like giving up.

it appears to mi tat no matter how 'close/gum' u may appear to be wif sumone, it's never ever true. suppose it's a one-sided affair. as in, i may sae mi and u are good frens, best frens, sistas, bud, tis is oni how i feel, and nort mutual at all. so, y for act? i don't like tis kinda tingys. hope to leave tis kinda stuffs real soonn.

i dream, i wish, i hope to get into a world of no false-pretence. whereas it's impossible, for i'm destined to be born into a world which would nort survive without false pretences. i myself jolly-well know tis pt.

recalling e anti-social or rather anti-boys/guys mi.. okie. i get e pt.

first, i had lil' male frens wen i was younger. tis may sound lame, bud my mum forbidded mi to actually make frens wif guys. i dunno wad's wif her? and, she sound em as BAD boys who are often darn mischevious and notti. note * i'm a v.guai girl wen young okie! * nort tat i'm bad now lahs, bud i ain't tat guai. hahas.

and for e young ladies ard mi? none could haf my phone no. okie, in e past, there ain't tings cored hp okie! so, my world surrounded oni my parents, relatives. and perhaps, their selective choice of frens, fren's kids. yeap.

so y am i grumbling now? seriously, i find myself soo dif. frm others out there. perhaps i'm nort, juz my toopid attitude towards others which make mi seem soo dif, or e word, ARROGANT. to which others may find mi. i muz accept it.

i noe, i may appear or i am, bud, deep down, i don't mean aniting. i don't mean to do aniting to annoy others. i seriously don't! bud, i'm forever mistaken. i'm never given chances to explain. i'm never tis, i'm never tat. speakin up for myself huh? bud lemme tell u, if u were mi, you'll find it such a chore to actually explain tings. it's tough. i don't know wad i'm tokin bout too.

i can only characterize tis as a 'character flaw' i guess. i dunno. i can't tink sane nimore.

i often find my personal self, as in, e way i'm brought up or affected by my parents shapes my charateristic. so, shld i blame em? or shld u blame em? nort tat i'm shifting e blame, bud at times, i see myself in em. it's soo similiar. y? i don't understand too. genetics. yupz.

once again, i'm being dumped into tat depressed mood. eberione shld be rejoicing tis festive season. bud i'm feeling down. for wadeva reason.

was planning to fill in a happy blog. bud my hands' reluctant. i dunno y!!! all i noe, for tis festive season, i'm nort gonna enjoy. my cousies are gonna bring their bf's whom tey don't acknowledge in front of my gramps/relatives, deep down, tellin em, it's e guys hu are attracted to em.

okie, teir biz! i don't gif a damn. seriously, i tink tat i'm leading a perfectly alrite lifestyle now. i don't need guys? nope. i can do wad e guys are able to, and am able to be happy. so, y bother to care bout another person's feeling? bud i juz don't like it wen tey start to flaunt bout teir "guys". tat feeling juz suck. my aunts will go ard, askin mi, hey, where's yours? fcuk her!

den others will like sae, "aiya, her bf nort bad hor. hmm.." and stuffs lidar, den lata on tell mi tat "aiya, dun be like em lidar lah. so young, plae oni" so, which is e msg tey wanna convey in e end? hypocritical; fake adults! i doon't likee!!!

perhaps i'm too head-strong. or wadever. tis may sound lame n funny, bud e reason i tink, y i am able to keep myself away frm guys is, i owis tell myself, 'i'm able to do wad e guys can. y for i need one to care for mi.' or simply, e guys get slpy wenever tey c mi. yupz. can't be bothered to speak to mi for a sec. nort even wen tey seriously need my help. =D

lifesucks, life's unfair! bud so far, i'm considered fortunate. =)

enuf of my freakin grumbles. life muz get on. bud i'll need to regenerate my path. perhaps, i shld set my expectations of guys, below wad i owis wan. perhaps i should juz settle for e old man sweeping e streets at dawn. ooh, tey may nort be interested in mi either. haaas.

perhaps i should learn to be more sociable. which i tink i'm tryin hard to. bud at times, it's juzz soo hard for mi to communicate to a guy lahs.

*no offence, i can oni communicate well to guys whom i tink tey haf tinkings same as mine, which means, a woman's tinking. hahas. which includes, ehs, u noe hu u peeps are. lol.*

and i v.big flaw of mine, hahas. i'm gonna reveal! i don't dare or dunno how to start a conversation to guys i like. hahas. bud tis don't apply to ani tom dick or harry lahs.. lolx. yeah. guys i don't dare to tok to.. hmm. lemme tink.. IAN THORPE! hahas. =D gotcha! lol.

[quote of e day]
'in tis world of false pretences, eternal beauty? no way!'

LuRvEs...
[E|aine`-]
______________________________________contradicted yet agn at 1:56 am ;